Revisions!

Sitting down to revise City of the Saints.  I get comments from the Story Monkeys weekly and revise as I go from the beginning of writing, so I never feel like my “rough” draft is really, really dire, but I want to straighten up its tie and wash its face before sending it off to the mines to earn its keep.

Here are my revision objectives:

  • Resolve all collected and not-yet-resolved comments.
  • Make each POV character’s inner monolog, and all characters’ spoken lines, consistent and distinctive.
  • Make sure each POV character has at least one crisp sub-plot running all the way through and clearly resolving, and clear, sympathetic and true-to-life motivations throughout with respect to the main plot.
  • Add steampunkiness!  (Victorian dress details, machines!)
  • Smooth narrative flow, eliminate infelicitous word choices, and increase vividness of prose generally.
I plan to work all the way through one time for each POV character.  I am hoping to get through each character’s work in one day, which would make this a six-day task.  In bocca al lupo!
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Chocolate Jesus

Rounding out a Tom Waits weekend, in honor of his recent release, which I have been listening to just about non-stop.  At twelve years old, this has just about become a classic.

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Bad As Me

This song is the most surprising, and true, love song I’ve heard all year.

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If You’re Willing to Stoop

They walked down South Tabernacle.  In the five days since Brigham Young’s return to his office, the street had been repaired and most of the windows, but the street’s many trees remained blasted and withered stumps, or bare baked earth, and much of the old plascrete still had black scorch marks on it, obscuring the sparkle.

“If only you Americans had put in your Transcontinental Railroad or your telegraph earlier,” Burton commented as they neared the Lion House, “we’d be spared the journey.”

“There won’t be a railroad,” Sam said, “and Young still isn’t convinced about the telegraph.  Young doesn’t really want either of them in the first place, and, at least for a little while, he’ll need to keep outsiders out of the Kingdom, to avoid giving away his bluff.  Besides, don’t you want to get home to your fiancée Isabel?  And to writing your books?”

“I do,” Burton admitted.  He looked slightly embarrassed as he said the words.  “I have in mind a memoir of this journey, though I don’t know whether anyone would believe it.”

“Sell it as fiction,” Sam suggested.  “I think you’ll find you can tell a lot of interesting truth, if you’re willing to stoop to writing novels.”

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What Is Steampunk? (Steam-Trucks)

City of the Saints features a lot of action on and around steam-trucks, steam-powered, rubber-wheeled vehicles.  Check out this real one.

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Integrity

“Your road ahead is shadowed and perilous,” muttered the gypsy.  He held Sam’s right hand clutched in his own, which were armored in fingerless black kidskin gloves, and peered closely at the creases in Sam’s flesh.  Close enough, Sam thought, that the man could just as easily be smelling his future as seeing it.  “Your future is one of failure, disaster and great sorrow.  You should reconsider your course, sir.  You should turn back.”
The gypsy fell silent and arched an eyebrow at Sam, as if underscoring the fearfulness of his message.  The silence between the two men was filled with the babble of the saloon around them.
“That’s refreshing,” Sam quipped, chomping fiercely on his Cuban cigar.  The air inside Bridger’s was heavy with smoke, but it was the smoke of cheap American tobacco rolled into cheap cigarettes, mixed with gas lamp emanations and the occasional ozone crackle of electricity.  Sam filtered the stink, as well as the rancid smell of sour, sweaty human bodies and the drifting odors of horse and coal-fire, through a sweet, expensive cohiba.  Nothing, he thought, beats a government expense account.
The gypsy stared at him.  His gray-streaked black mustache hung asymmetrical under his bulbous nose, and was no match for Sam’s fine, manly soup-strainer.  His jaw looked misshapen, too, sort of hunched sideways into the thick, mostly gray, beard that veiled it.  Above all the facial hair and the badly-cast features, though, the man had dark, intense eyes, with baggy pouches under them, and those eyes stared at Sam in surprise.  “Did you hear me right, sir?  I told you that your future is bleak.”
“Yes,” Sam acknowledged.  “Your honesty is marvelous.  Most fortune-tellers would take my two bits and tell me what they thought I wanted to hear.  Beautiful willing women, rivers of smooth whiskey and horses that run faster than the sun itself are in your future, sir!  Come again soon.”  He grinned, took another suck at the cigar and winked.  “I respect your integrity.” 
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Aboard the Ammon

            “There’s no one aboard the other two, either,” Poe said.  “How on earth is Pratt controlling them?”
            They looked together at the control panel, and Poe immediately knew the answer to his own question. 
“Hunley,” he gasped.
The controls looked simple enough.  There was a wheel like on any terrestrial ship, and beside it a binnacle, glowing blue around its rim and containing a simple compass whose needle was a stylized brass bumblebee.  There was a broad, wool-padded belt-and-shoulderstraps harness that bolted into the center of the wheel for the pilot.  Beside the wheel was a small knob-headed lever marked PITCH AND YAW that appeared capable of moving in all directions; next to it was another level like a steam-truck’s throttle, currently at the lowest position in its range; and from a solid block of brass beside the ship’s wheel protruded a monkey’s head that Poe knew all too well.
“What do you think this does?” Roxie asked, touching the PITCH AND YAW lever without moving it.
“Controls pitch and yaw, is my guess,” Poe suggested dryly.  “That would let you alter your elevation, as well.  And there you have acceleration.  But I find that the monkey is the interesting thing.”
“How so?”
“Because Horace Hunley made it, and three others like it, and this is the one that I smashed against my cabin door in the Liahona.”
ZOTTT!
Poe looked up from the controls to the Phlogiston gun, but it was dormant, and he knew from the reddish light playing against its side that a Phlogiston weapon must have been fired on the mooring tower.
“So what?”
            “So,” Poe said, “I think this is how Pratt is flying the ships.  This is what Horace Hunley did—he built four devices that communicate, somehow, with each other.  Ether waves, maybe.  And one of them is the master and the other three are slaves—forgive the expression—so that the person in the right ship can control the other three.”
            “So Pratt can pilot the entire fleet by himself.  So he doesn’t need anyone else to help him get his revenge.”
            “Yes.”  Poe looked at the controls again.  “But I must have damaged the monkey-headed jar, so hopefully we’ll have local control of this craft, whatever it’s called.”
            “It’s called the Ammon, actually.”
            “As in the Egyptian god?” Poe was amused.  “Identified with the sun and with Ra?  You Mormons love your Egyptian things, I must say.  Robert was wise to suggest that I disguise myself as an Egyptianeer.”
            “Mostly we identify him with chopping off arms,” Roxie said.  Poe didn’t know what she meant, but he was happy to be with her and she smiled at him, so even though he was dying and he didn’t understand the joke he threw back his head and laughed.
            ZOTTT!
            A bright flash of blue light snapped behind them—
            and the Ammon hurtled directly upward, into the morning sky.

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Bookshelf: The Kalevala

Following up on Friday’s comments dialog: the Kalevala is the national epic of Finland.  It looks at first glance like it might be a single unified poem, a la Homer, but is in fact a family of sung poems about the same mythological / heroic characters (who rejoice in such improbable names as Kullervo son of Kalervo, Vainamoinen, Ilmarinen and Lemminkainen… and I’m not even putting in the umlauts), first collected in the nineteenth century by Elias Lonnrot, a physician.  This makes it a little like the Eddas and a little like the work of Bascom Lamar Lunsford.

The Kalevala is mythic-funky, shamanic and wild.  Like the Mabinogion, it is probably the post-Christianization disguised telling of old pagan mythologies, and it has a surprising connection to Shakespeare’s Hamlet.  Highly recommended.

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David Byrne

“Girls on My Mind”.  If this isn’t from the Monster in the Mirror tour, it’s from the same album and time, anyway.  I went to this concert — it was terrific.

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Cyndi Lauper

You’ve heard this song.  You may not have heard it like this.

Bonus: dulcimer!

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